Declaration

For the first time in a long time, I truly feel at peace. And this is on the brink of what could be another emotional upheaval. I'm not sure what has changed in me, but I'm prepared to face it head on and stand my ground. I'm stronger now than I have ever been before, and I know myself better now. I know what I want, and I know that I'm not willing to give up on it. I never have, even after all this time. Hope and desire have lain dormant in me for some time, and now that I'm pretty much whole again, they are waking up. They are bolstering me up, and fortifying me from the inside.

I spent last weekend listening to the inspired talks of the General Authorities of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Several of them went straight to my heart, and I could feel the Spirit whispering truths to my soul. I could hear the Lord's special messages for me, and I'm ready for what He has in store for me. It has the potential of being crazy, and difficult, and wonderful. I know that I can't do it without Him in my life. Because I can't see how it can work, there is no way without his Divine guidance. So this is where my faith comes in, and I already see it working. All I can do is take the first step, and wait for Heavenly Father to show me the next one.  I know He won't lead me wrong.

Unexpected

The last few weeks of my life have been much unexpected.  And there was really no way for me to see what was coming, so I had no way to prepare for it. Work has been very busy, and almost overwhelming. I do everything I can to stay on top of things, but I still get frustrated by the apparent need to babysit people. Everyone has been trained to do what they need to do, so I don't know if they really just don't get it, don't know it, have forgotten how to do it, or are just too lazy. Whatever the reason, I get really tired of doing other peoples jobs for them, and then being told that I'm not measuring up to their expectations. Now, for the most part I really do like my job. I just feel overwhelmed by the workload I have in front of me and under-appreciated by the people I help most frequently.

The other unexpected occurrences that took me most by surprise were several people from my past popping back into my life. Some were just friends that it's been far too long since I've talked to. And others caught me completely off guard. Two in particular, who seem to be on a similar schedule because they both seem to pop up on the same day.  Now, both of these people were very important to me at one point or another (or at several points in my life.) And both have had very little to do with me, for whatever reason, for the last few months or years.  I know and understand the reasons, but that didn't make the separation from very dear friends any easier.

Now that both are back in my life, I find myself lighter. Almost as if part of me was missing, hidden in the space between us.  Now I feel almost whole again, and quite a bit happier. I'm glad I have my friends back.

I also read through all of my posts here on Life Gone Awry, and I am amazed at what I've been through, and how well I seemed to weather the storm. I know that it's not completely over, but I'm doing better. I'm stronger than I would have ever guessed.  Even I surprise myself.