Stormy Weather Ahead

I am not a drama queen. I'm more like the eye of a drama storm. I am calm (well, I'm usually calm,) surrounded by the terrible forces beyond control that wreak havoc on my life. Like a hurricane, it starts calmly, but with a little disturbance, things get crazy quickly. Pretty soon, the craziness is spiraling around me, and I'm powerless to do anything but get pulled along and watch as the terrain of my life changes right before my eyes.
Living life with purpose is all well and good, I suppose. But I've learned to be pliable with my purpose. I like to think that the purpose I've given my life is to be content, and even happy with where I'm at and what I'm doing, because it's never the same for very long. Life is certainly about change, as nothing can stay the same forever. But my experiences for the last few years, and most of my life now that I think about it, are step by step instructions for how to not make plans. At this particular moment in time, I'm almost frightened to make any plans too far in advance. Anything planned with any measure of certainty more than six weeks early has been picked up and ripped to shreds by the drama storm.
I should be a little more specific, any important plan is in danger of becoming a casualty of the turbulent atmosphere. Sometimes, I wonder if the plan itself causes the storm to develop. As it is, the frivolous things need not apply for the Life Gone Awry pounding. So what sorts of things are we talking about that should have been more careful? Well, it's the big decisions. Where to live, and with whom. Employment, and career opportunities. Matters of the heart, including a wedding.
Now, I hope I don't sound cynical or bitter. I'm trying my hardest, as I'm currently recovering, and quite frankly, still reeling from another attempt at taking my life in my own hands. But then again, maybe I am a little jaded by the lessons I seem to be learning. Either way, I've decided that I'm going to record the ever-changing landscape of the journey the Lord has me on. Some of these stories are down right hilarious, and some are truly heartbreaking, but each has helped shape me into who I am today. I wouldn't trade one experience for anything. I take that back, I would give anything to have my mother here with me in more than just spirit. But the others, they may have sucked while wading through, but I'm stronger because of them.