I've spent a lot of time recently contemplating fear. I think it's one of those things that once Halloween comes around, you can't really escape. There are scary movies, and haunted mansions and mazes. All manner of things every few feet that are meant to spook or scare. I may be a bit of a stickler, but I'm not a huge Halloween fan. I don't like being scared. I like to think I have very few fears. I'm not a huge fan of bugs and spiders, but as long as they don't invade my space, I'm happy to ignore them. I am afraid of falling, but my favorite ride at Disneyland is the Tower of Terror. I've faced it in a controlled way, and I don't let it interfere with my daily life.
On Halloween day, I was forced to face another fear, head on. Or rear on, as it truly is. I feel that I'm a pretty good driver. I may be a touch aggressive, but I live in a state that is known for having inattentive and careless drivers, so my need to be aggressive is justified. I've always said that drivers don't pay enough attention to what's going on around them. This is most frightening on the freeways. I've had a number of close calls, and it always gets my adrenaline pumping. One of my biggest fears on the road is that traffic will slow down or come to a stop in my lane and the person driving behind me won't be paying attention and hit me. I always cringe whenever it happens, and each time I wonder what it would feel like, or sound like when it happens. Well, now I know….
I was driving home from a funeral when I the aforementioned scenario played out. For whatever reason, and to this day, I still don't know why, traffic in my lane slowed to complete stop. As soon as I stopped, I checked my mirror to see if the person behind me had stopped as well. All I saw was a big vehicle coming up on me, and I was thinking "They're not going to make it," followed by a huge, jolting CRUNCH! The whole thing was kind of surreal as my next thought was "Well, this is what it feels like." I don't remember the next few seconds, as my car got turned enough so that the front passenger corner got pushed into the car in front of me. The next thing I knew was the airbag on the passenger side had inflated and there was a weird chemical smoke in my car.
Then I did my best not to panic. I knew I need to get out of my car. I kept thinking, "what if my car explodes, I need to get out of here." I groped on the floor to find my phone and unbuckled my seat belt, coughing and whimpering, because my chest was hurting. Stupid seat belt, but so glad I had it on! Then I tried opening my door, and it wouldn't budge. That's when it was hard to keep the panicking at bay. Luckily, someone outside of my car was smarter than me at that point. She told me to unlock my car. Seems kind of stupid for a car to look its doors on impact, but whatever.
I had some pretty bruises in some really interesting places, and my back and neck were sore for weeks. I definitely don't recommend getting hit. I may have faced this fear, but it's one of those instances where facing it may have made it worse. I almost can't stand any car being too close to me on the road, and I keep a healthier distance from the car in front of me than I used to. But I survived to face another day, and have another story to tell.
